Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Contrabassoons and PHOTO MONTAGES

So we just unearthed a song that we wrote about Peach, the giant loon. When you spend three weeks in the woods of Wisco, your options get pretty limited. We worked really hard at developing our casual dance skills. Our dream was to just walk into a room and start grooving til all chatter ceases. GOAL ACCOMPLISHED. Wait! Similiar story...we were in the Bahamas and felt pretty mistreated by our parents, and also pretty sugar high from the three bags of wine gums we had downed. So we dressed in muumuus and caftans and put some boxers on our heads and went out to the living room to jive to some opera for a while. Unfortunately, neighbours stopped by at the same time, and saw us dressed in our finest dancewear. L-Nasty was trying to booty pop, and R-Nasty was just tryna get by in a gangsta's world. We now have to take the alternate beach route because they think that we are just a bunch of godless sexpots (especially in those highly titillating muumuus. One of us an effort to see them only whilst wearing tie-dyed underpants (GOAL COMPLETED TWICE). Wait, so the original story was about the loons. We were on our routine two mile swims where R-Nasty starts backstroking and just goes in circles and L-Nasty doesn't tell her (AND R-NASTAY STILL HASN'T LEARNED). While we were swimming, we saw two loons ten feet away from us GET INTO A HUGE ASS KERFLUFFLE AND THEN ONE DISAPPEARED UNDERWATER. So we sat there waiting, and it never reappeared. We were half an hour away from any land and one of us cried the entire way back. After we had gotten a hold of ourselves and googled PTSD symptoms, we decided to heal the pain and fear through song. This song is dedicated to Peach, you silly bitch.
Peach's Demise
While swimming through the lagoon
on a fancy shmancy night,
we heard a big "SHABOON!"
our hearts skipped a beat
as we shrieked like baboons.
it was not an octopus,
nor a racoon,
nor a nectarine,
but a loon.
The loon was very scary.
His eyes glowed like a meteorological balloon.
We watched as he opened his beak,
and out came a sinister tune/
He began swirling around us,
creating a water typhoon.
At that exact moment,
we wished we were in Picayune (Mississippi)
The loon looked unquestionably masculine,
especially with his bull tattoon.
"I'm going to make you into cheese falafels,
for i am the Big Loon" he boomed.
We cowered in scaredness,
but then we remembered our harpoons
that we always in our butt pockets.
They were always boon.
We pulled out our weapons,
and aimed at him contrabassoon.
His musical instrument shouted,
"Peach, oh Big Loon, help me before I turn into a prune!"
We erupted into fits of laughter,
for now we were immune,
to this dangerous creature,
known as "Peach, the Big Loon."
Peach's face turned a delightful cherry-bomb red
"I am as embarrassed as Daniel Boone.
because my name Peach does not match my obvious virility!"
Now we hatched from our cocoons
and killed Peach with a dozen plantains.

This song/poem really helped us deal with the stress of becoming superstars in the Netherlands.

PHOTO MONTAGE TIME!!!!

L-Nasty, V-Nasty, and R-Nasty reciting Peach's Demise. Those really sexual matching sweaters we have on say "Northwoods Musky Hunters". Don't rush all at once, boiz!
R-Nasty and one of our favorite cheerleaders in the background. He really supported us through all the problems we had accepting our oozing sexuality.

THE BEST TOWN IN THE WORLD, BOULDER JUNCTION!!!!! ON FRIDAY NIGHTS, YOU CAN GO TO THE DUMP AND WATCH THE BEARS!
Before we got creepy.

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